Lessons of love


Juliana Dahl dances in her south Boulder home where she teaches Tantra — the ancient art of sexual healing.

Tantric educators say intimacy, good sex pave the road to enlightenment

By Julie Marshall, Camera Staff Writer
February 10, 2003

It's Friday morning and I am resting on silk-covered, goose-down pillows in a room filled with fresh-cut flowers, flickering candles, burning incense and the sounds of Indian mantras. Someone is massaging my feet and feeding me a caramel-filled chocolate heart.

Ahhhh, the working day of a newspaper journalist.

The woman with the chocolates is Juliana Dahl, a "Tantra educator." It says so on her business card. Clients, however, call her the "love coach." She calls herself a Dakini — the Sanskrit term for sexual healer.

Tantra is the art of sexual healing that dates back 5,000 years and has its roots in Hinduism and Tibetan Buddhism. In fact, some Buddhists believe Tantric practices — meditation, Yoga poses, ceremonial rituals and breathing exercises that access one's sexual energy and boost one's sex life — may be the fastest path to spiritual enlightenment.

In the West, Tantra has taken quite a beating by popular culture. Practitioners lament that most people associate Tantra with something Sting does to be able to boast of his alleged seven-hour orgasms. The movie "American Pie 2" didn't do Tantra any favors either, defining it as a trendy obsession for adolescent boys who want to sleep with their friends' mothers.

But the pure art of Tantra is not just about sex, the faithful say. Tantra followers, called tantricas, say Tantra is for those who are ready for a life-altering experience; it's a path to health, healing and profound connections with others.

"Think of your last orgasm," Dahl says. "The depth, the profundity of it, imagine using that to be enlightened."

Tantra is much more than sex counseling , she stresses. But she does help clients use sexuality as a tool to expand the body and the mind.

This notion apparently appeals to many.

Two years ago, Dahl was lucky to attract 10 people to her monthly group ceremonies called Pujas. Today she averages 30. She sees at least five clients each week and up to 500 each year. The majority are men, she says, probably because men are more open to their sexuality. Boulder's Tantricas say one session costs between $100- $200 and can range from sitting and talking to hands-on healing using the body's chakras — called energy centers.

So do they ever ... you know? I have to ask.

She'd tell me later. But first we were going to explore the universal benefits of finding one's sexual energy.

On a recent weekday morning, I went to check it out. One of the first things I quickly learned, is that Tantra has a lot to do with pampering.

Dahl left a note on her door: "Welcome to Paradise and Harmony ... come in."

Inside, she has placed on each stair a lit heart-shaped candle, a sprinkle of shimmering red-heart confetti and pink and white rose petals. Upstairs, the sofa and six altars are draped in long and flowing silky cloths dyed purple, pink and blue. The room grows hazy from incense as smoke curls surround me.

Dahl walks in wearing a floor-length gold-colored dress and a gold-plated necklace with purple jewels. It's the kind of necklace that Dakinis wore in ancient times, she explains.

"I want to show you a ritual," Dahl says, as she props my arms and back against fluffy pillows and kneels to massage my feet. "You are a goddess."

Tantra study has been on the planet for 5,000 years and Dahl has studied from Dakinis and Dakas (their male counterpart) around the globe. She must know something. I must be a goddess.

Back to reality. If anyone is a goddess, it is Dahl. She doesn't walk, she floats. Her blue eyes are wide with energy as she talks about her practice, which she says is not about sex, but spirituality.

The cloths, the pillows, the essential oils she rubs into my feet, these are the tools of Tantra, Dahl says. It's about honoring the self, partly through the senses. Sometimes her clients get to eat chocolate-covered strawberries.

Dahl, a 56-year-old mom, wasn't always this way. She was raised Catholic, and sex was something long-associated with guilt in her religious upbringing, she says. Pregnant before marriage, she was whisked off to a home for unwed mothers and then gave her child up for adoption.

"My memory of sex was of shame, fear, and, did I say repression?"

Then in 1991, working as a teacher, she discovered Tantra in the oddest of places, Saudi Arabia. There she met sexual healers and learned that she, like most women around the world, are missing out on sexual pleasure.

"Most of us hold (sexual energy) tight within us; we have shut a huge energy system down and that affects our whole body, including our health."

Tantra is for women who are ready to "be fully who they are," she says.

Dahl got divorced, quit teaching and dedicated her life to showing people how to access what she calls Kundalini energy, also called the divine life force. You can do this with simple methods such as eye gazing with a partner, she says.

And when you do, "it's a very intense passion, as you might imagine making love to God."

Dahl holds monthly group ceremonies, called Pujas, at her south Boulder home. Pujas were done in ancient times as fertility rites when men would rotate around the village, having sex with women. "But in ours, that's not what we do," she says playfully.

Robbin Moore was at Dahl's recent Puja. At first, she was not so sure. "I thought everyone would be naked and someone would be groping me."

But Moore soon found herself in a circle, fully clothed, and gazing into the eyes of a stranger.

The men had formed a circle around the women, and then were asked, by Dahl, to consider the woman in front of them as representing every woman in their life — mother, sister, daughter, wife — and to honor the feminine within them.

"There was a lot of giggling," Moore says. But in the end, the ceremony turned out to be a "very loving, very beautiful form of worship."

It was a big step for Moore, who has had a lifelong struggle with alcoholism and mixing
alcohol with sex and self-esteem.

That night, the room was filled with pure sexual energy, she says, and they danced.

"Everyone was so happy, we were intoxicated in love."

Building stronger bonds

Like Moore, Jade Beaty finds Tantra to be a healing power.

Beaty discovered Tantra after her cousin, who was a survivor of rape, committed suicide. "I was looking for ways to address what happened," she says.

Tantra can be a liberating and healing practice for women — and men — who are burdened with past sexual trauma, tantricas say.

Beaty quit her job selling real estate three years ago and studied with Dahl. The summer of 2000, she opened her own sexual healing practice in Boulder. Beaty takes a quieter approach than her mentor. She calls her work "intimacy coaching." Tantra is one of many techniques she uses to help clients build stronger bonds with their spouses or partners.

Many of her clients are simply confused when it comes to sex, because it is such a taboo subject in America, Beaty says.

"People need a safe place to ask questions and to learn practices that help them start to experience pleasure," she says. Men usually want factual information. "A common phrase I hear is 'How do I please a woman?'"

Women are more complex creatures; they want more than sexual pleasure from the relationship.

And everyone is exhausted from their lifestyles, raising kids and the looming prospect of the country going to war, Beaty says. "Tantra is needed."

One thing she'll tell couples to do is build an altar in the bedroom, something that pays homage to the relationship, such as a pair of candlesticks. And then she asks them to recite words of commitment there.

"Sex and intimacy are the glue that holds people together."

And if you really want to be loved, then honor your man (or woman), sexual healers say. Beaty recommends leaving a trail of rose petals at the door. "You can lead him to a steamy bath, and undress him slowly in the inner sanctum."

What sexual healers or Dakinis are doing, really, is promoting the notion of love, they say.

Beaty is thrilled that today there are 12 sexual healers practicing Tantra in Boulder. When she first started, the only other one doing the work was her mentor, Dahl.

"There are incredibly brave women doing this work," she says. "But right now, it's still being seen as some cultish thing in Boulder."

Tantra is still misunderstood because it is the buzz word in the sex industry, Beaty says. "People make quick assumptions."

So, the question is — is there sex going on here?

"No one is having sex in front of me," Beaty says. And she's not having sex with her clients.

Dahl says she follows her clients' wishes. She had one couple in which the wife determined from day one that no clothes would be taken off. In six months, the couple were comfortably nude in front of Dahl.

"I meet clients where they are, and if they are ready to move into practices, I guide them," Dahl says. "But it is not about me having sex with anyone. I guide, so couples can experience heightened states of sexuality."

The foot massage was heavenly, but there clearly is a lot about Tantra that I still don't understand, and never will. But maybe it's true that if more of us spent time honoring our partners, drawing them hot baths and feeding them chocolates, the world would be a better place.

Juliana Dahl teaches the Tantra Puja Experience from 7 to 10 p.m. on March 7. The cost is $25. Call (303) 593-2995.

Contact Julie Marshall at (303) 473-1305 or marshallj@dailycamera.com.

Copyright 2003, The Daily Camera. All Rights Reserved.

Mistress Tantra Boulder surrogate instructs in the art of sexual healing By William Porter Denver Post Staff Writer

Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - BOULDER

Juliana Dahl opens the door to her split-level home dressed like your average suburban Tantric goddess and sexual surrogate - diaphanous harem pants, purple velvet bra, beaded shawl, bare midriff. Juliana Dahl, an instructor in Tantric sex and sex surrogate, works in the upstairs area of her Boulder home.

Drawing her visitor inside on this cold morning, Dahl makes the offer one naturally expects from an instructor in the art of seven-hour orgasms."Would you like some tea?" she says. "It's a vanilla hazelnut blend. The first time I had it I just fell in love with it."Dahl holds up the Celestial Seasonings box, then asks, "Cream or sugar? "That's the thing about folks who teach school for two decades and then chuck it all to become instructors in Tantra, a 5,000-year-old art of sexual healing: They know how to put people at ease.With so many of her clients deeply conflicted about sex, that's a good thing.Dahl figures that in a given year she sees up to 500 clients. They include individuals, couples and group sessions. Some wrestle with profound trauma, such as abuse during childhood. Others just want better orgasms.

"One of the biggest things in my work is maintaining the integrity of it," Dahl says. "A lot of people just adopt the name 'Tantric,' use practices that have nothing to do with Tantric therapy, and anyone who visits that place thinks that's what it's all about."Here is what Dahl says her practice is not about: Sex for pay. She is emphatic on that point."A lot of people think that as a sexual surrogate I have sex with clients," Dahl says. "That's not what this is about at all."There is no intercourse here," she says. "There is sometimes sacred touch involved when I work with individuals or couples, but only in the context of teaching and healing."

Dahl says many of her clients have issues, ranging from emotional ones (low self-esteem or victims of sexual abuse) or physical problems such as impotence. Sessions cost $120 an hour, although Dahl is willing to work out barter terms for clients with computer skills. Each client fills out a form detailing his or her history."There's so much we buy into growing up that affects us through our whole lives," she says. "People come here with some woundedness, but I've seen amazing healing through this work."

Dahl is writing a book on her work, "Journey of a Sexual Healer." She hopes to finish it by spring. On Sunday, she also will be part of a "Sex in Our City: Women's Voices" panel at the Boulder Book Store, 1102 Pearl St. The session runs from 4 to 6 p.m.Dahl conducts sessions in the den of her south Boulder home. The room has a soft and gauzy feel, thanks to the billowed fabric covering the ceiling. Futons and oversized pillows ring the room. The lighting is low. It is all quite soothing, which is the desired effect."Tantra is really about expanding our consciousness and about helping us to be fully in the world," Dahl says. The promise of heightened bedroom performance is an enticing one.In a culture conditioned to equate "more" with "better" in everything from candy bars to car speakers, the notion of orgasms that last longer than the "McNeil-Lehrer Report" feels potent indeed.And sex being sex, improved performance in matters horizontal is liable to spark more interest from your partner than longer golf shots.

Becoming an elite bedroom marathoner won't land you on the cover of Runner's World magazine, but the shouts and screaming at the big finish will arguably be more gratifying.But here's the rub, and hold the baby oil: Most people - OK, let's just come out and say, most men - shy away from admitting the need for help in their sex lives. The average guy would rather confess an inability to parallel park before announcing any sexual dysfunction, and we all know how guys feel about their driving.This is where Dahl comes in."Tantra is not just about sex, it's about embracing everything in our lives - fear and bliss, pain and joy, the whole realm of experience - as an opportunity for growth."Tantra is centuries old. The term is rooted in a Sanskrit word meaning to "extend" or "weave."

Tantra was first practiced by Tibetan and Indian Buddhists as a way of uniting flesh and spirit, the end goal being enlightenment.Spend any time around practitioners of Tantra, and you'll hear the term "energy" used more often than at an Exxon board meeting.One of Tantra's big selling points is the claim of extended sex through controlled breathing. The musician Sting has claimed seven-hour marathons through the wonders of Tantra.Practitioners say that Tantra isn't about learning a repertoire of tricks. Beyond the New Age-speak and earnest hosts of instructional videos, Tantra is ultimately about bringing compassion and understanding to a relationship."And this ripples out through your entire life," Dahl says. "It's not just how you relate to people in the bedroom, but what happens when you're standing in line at the grocery or driving in Denver traffic."

Dahl grew up in Southern California. She went to college and became a teacher. She married (she's since divorced) and raised children.Like a number of people who came of age during the 1960s, Dahl grew interested in non-Western philosophical traditions such as yoga and meditation."I was a schoolteacher for 20 years," she says. "You know what they say; everything you do prepares you for the next thing in life."That next thing happened during the early 1990s. Dahl was living in Saudi Arabia, where she had taken a job teaching the children of American oil company employees."In so many ways it was a strange place to have a spiritual and sexual awakening, because the country is so restrictive to women," she says.By her account, she was in a deep conversation with a friend when she felt a wave of energy move up through her body. "It went up my spine and out of my head," Dahl says. "I experienced the infinity of everything. It was sexual, but it wasn't sex."The big revelation was the unity of everything in your life," she says. "In the Catholic Church, which I was raised in, sex was over here in one place and religion was over there, and never the twain shall meet."She later identified that flow of energy as "kundalini," which denotes life force and sexual energy.Dahl returned stateside and enrolled in the Saybrook Institute in San Francisco, where she earned a Ph.D. in psychology and delved deep into Tantra."Tantra has taught me to be more vulnerable and opened me to deeper truths," Dahl says. "It definitely brought a total transformation of my own entity and sexuality.

"Coming up: Dahl and her teaching partner, Michael the Red, are conducting an All Day Sexual Mastery session. For $225 a person, attendees will receive instruction in The Multi-Orgasmic Man, Female Ejaculation, Male and Female Sacred Spot Healing and Brain Orgasming. Info at 303-593-2995."Unfortunately, our culture has this attitude about touch," she says. "But it's a natural part of who we are."

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